spoiling the rat soiree

rats...rats...rats. GUH-UH-ROSS!

they are definintely in my attic...saturday night we heard them frolicking over my bedroom - oh my but they must have been having fun. tuesday morning i heard them scamper across the living room ceiling...and by the sounds of them, they could very well be a pack of dogs. i was told i would hear them if they were up there...i just figured it would be kinda skritchy, you know? maybe i have mutant rats. mutant rats would make a lot of noise. mutant rats could chew through my ceiling and watch me sleep. mutant rats would definitely be interesting...but i think i'd rather have the regger kind of rats - i mean, if i got to choose...

the rat man is coming today to set traps for the little (BIG!!!) bastards...oh joy. my choices will be to check the traps myself daily or let the rat man check them every 5 days. eeeew gross. dead, rotting mutant rats in my ceiling for the better part of a week. i thought about tossing my cat up there for a week...she'd survive, right? i mean , i'd give her water, she could eat the rats and she'd be warm with all that insulation. she'd probably whine and cry and bitch at first, but once her kill-or-be-killed instinct kicked in, i'm thinking she'd be happier'n a pig in shit, right? sounds like a win-win to me. i mean, i could send the butt-meister up there, but, a) i'd need a freakin back hoe to get his huge ass up there; b) he'd more than likely come crashing through the ceiling on day one (he's a "large-boned" boy) and c) he's not the sharpest crayon in the box - the mutant rats might get the better of him mentally and turn him against me...the ramifications of this are too frightening to even begin to imagine.

guess it's gonna be ripe rat corpses in my attic, cause i am so not checking traps. cheese n rice...this is my life.