her way.

i am walking on the beach in Morro Bay last week with three people that i love dearly...as i stand still and watch the ocean waves rolling in, one of them creates a circle in the sand around me with her foot, flashes her smile and tells me that i am not allowed to leave it.

i oblige her for awhile but then inform her that it is time to head back to the car...and home. she thinks for a moment and then appears to solve her dilemma by drawing a line in the sand leading from the circle back down the beach, towards the car - which is maybe a half-mile away, but probably less - and instructs me to follow it, and only it. both feet, no stepping off.

she walks backwards, dragging her heel in the sand, her foot line twisting and turning - this cannot be a straight line, no....and i MUST walk it and never veer from it.  with my arms held straight out to my sides (to help balance the unbalanced, of course) i speed up and try and rush her progress, maybe make her trip and fall, but she commands me to stop when i catch up to her and laughingly orders me to wait for her to get ahead of me again before continuing.  as i totter along, i watch in front of me - behind her - hoping to subtlety direct her towards someone she will run into while not looking.  cause, well...that would be hilarious, but she mysteriously manages to miss everything and everyone in her path, rarely taking a peek to see where she was headed.  she is just following along the surf line. sort of...and backwards.



she switches feet, because the right one is cramping up, but continues on, still swirling and veering, twisting and turning her line in the sand.  she tries using her toes because she is getting tired and we still have a long way to go.  i taunt her and tell her she'll never make it. but i dutifully follow my path.

i hear laughter behind me and i turn - being ever so careful not to fall off my mark - to see an old woman walking the line directly behind me, arms out like mine, with her husband at her side laughing.  she looks at me, giggles again and says, "so, where are we going?!?"

quite honestly, it was one of the most joyous moments of my life.

the old woman follows along with us for a few seconds more and then takes her old husband's hand and they wander off closer towards the sea, smiling, laughing, playful - loving their lives. they left the line in the sand that was meant for me and continued along their own path.

we make it to end of the beach eventually. when we reach the rocks that we had to climb over to get to the car, the girl picks up and drags a 12 foot piece of seaweed over them, ordering me to walk only on that.  i'd take 5 steps, step off of it and have to wait for her to re-position it so that i could continue on.

she never stopped, she never gave up.
she led me all the way back.
and i let her.  because it was important....to both of us
i followed her every step of the way. her way,
and it made us happy.

baby, baby don't get hooked on me...

where has the time gone anyway? ok, so it's been awhile since i blogged and instead of wasting space giving a buncha bs reasons why, i'll just move forward with a quick little story that i call: "some of my friends are shitheads..."

background check: i have cockatiels that lay eggs every once in awhile - well, one of them does for certain (she's hot for me - what can i say?), not sure about the other one - i'm assuming that they are both females, as i've never actually seen them have bird-sex and the eggs have always been sterile. anyway, she lays them and then stresses out over them for weeks, so for shits and giggles, i usually put a nesting box in there when someone starts to lay and whoever's laid it goes a bit bonkers for the next couple of weeks continuing to lay eggs, rolling them around with her beak to get them in the perfect spot and then sitting on them and puffing up whenever anyone comes near her nest. eventually i take out the nesting box, fry up the eggs and feed them to the dogs, then all in our little bird-world is right again.

really wanting to raise baby cockatiels, i borrowed Al, a cantankerous male cockatiel, for a couple of weeks in the hopes that his presence would get my girls going and we could have some babies. Al was just spitting mean. had to wear leather gloves to rescue him whenever he jumped his dumb ass off of the cage because he bites - asswipe. anyway, the girls didn't seem to care much about Al one way or another...towards the end of his stay, one of them started sticking her hoo-ha into the air and most definitely begging for some lovin'. unfortunately we had at least one or ten of many possible roadblocks: maybe there are gay cockatiels out there and i found at least one; maybe the girls just weren't sexy enough for Al; maybe Al was a typical male-creature and couldn't read the oh-so-obvious "give me babies, please" signs and thought she was just bitching at him; maybe she was just bitching at him and that rendered him a limp noodle as he just couldn't be expected to actually perform under those stressful conditions; or maybe...just maybe my girls didn't care for Al's big i'm-a-bad-ass attitude. as i said, could have been many things. regardless, i reluctantly took Al back to his real home in isabella and resigned myself to no baby birds.

upon returning from the weekend, i found an egg very ungracefully plopped at the bottom of the birdcage. GASP! could it be? could Al have been the stud i had hoped for? i need to get busy and get her nesting box ready! yay, i may have babies after all! whoo-hoo!

long story short, i had trouble creating my usual nesting box, as i have given them a new cage recently...so off to petsmart to get a "real" nesting box. still excited! bring it home, stress everybody out setting it up and then sit back to watch what happens. mama bird gets in the box and i can hear her pushing around the egg - back and forth, back and forth it rolls until she gets it where she wants it and sits on it, all puffy and protective. waiting, waiting - should have more eggs soon - tap, tap, tap. nothing. week goes by. shit, should have more eggs. mama is sitting plenty, but not laying more eggs. hmmm, egg does look a bit bigger than usual, maybe that's all she could do this time...maybe she put all her eggs in one basket, heh heh heh. well, guess there's just the one this time. that's cool, better than none - now let's wait to see if it's fertile.

every couple of days i check the egg with a flashlight in the pantry. should soon be able to see activity in there...you know veins and such. getting kinda impatient. nothing. tap, tap, tap. hmmm...been about 10 days - should definitely be seeing something by now. sigh. guess i just wasn't destined to have a baby Al after all. brynn still wants to bring in her friends to look at the cute little (kinda big) egg, no problem - hurry cause i'm gonna toss it. kiki from next door comes in all oohing and awwing over the egg and says, "huh, it looks a lot like that mourning dove egg my mom found laying out in the street and put in here a couple of weeks ago when you were gone - weird huh? i guess they all look the same..."

bitch.

pictures!

been dorkin on my computer - GASP! so unlike me...


anyway downloaded a few pics, thought i'd share...YAY! this is homer hawk hanging out off d's deck in isabella. not a great shot cause i'm a klutz and tripped over something (my own damn foot maybe?) and skeered him off. whatever homes.





here is one of the gorgeous foxes eating some nasty meat. their coats are incredibly beautiful - what you can't see is bozzie and mama growling at him all badass from the otherside of the door. yea so tough.





one of coyotes we saw out playing one morning in isabella...there were 4 of them and they were a hoot to watch - chasing each other around just like puppies - all rolling around and tripping each other up, hunkering down behind sage only to jump out when another stumbled by. this one came down the path right off d's deck. he watched us for a bit and then trotted up the hill to meet the others as they went off on a walk.

Yellow River by I.P. Freely

good GAWD what is wrong with me? this pup is like a newborn - cheese n rice!

briefly (cause i'm tired and want a nap) she has been named and renamed. she is now and forever lucy-lou (ok, i add in the lou part) and she is sweet. very sweet. but a pup and a young pup at that. a young stubborn pup named lucy-lou. did i mention she's sweet?

i know pups are easily excited and generally balls of energy following up with the sleep of the dead. this one is no exception, but add to that STUBBORN AS HELL. wow. good thing she's sweet. i know she's not stupid- girl learned to sit in 15 minutes - but she is absolutely C-L-U-E-L-E-S-S as to the potty training. she will play outside for an hour, come inside and pee. she pees anywhere. she doesn't try to hide it, she doesn't sniff out a spot like when she's outside. she just squats and pees - whenever, wherever. i yell at her to stop and she looks at me as if to say "yo, peeing here, be with ya in juuuuuuust a minute."

did i mention she farts and eats her own poop? sweet-sweet-sweetie-sweet.

oy.

thoughts of fall(ing)...

wowsers -what a loser. it's been a month since my last confess---er, post. not for a lack of interesting candid camera moments, mind you, just haven't had the time or the inclination to record them for some reason.

the weather is changing and it makes me happy. i want to be outside more when fall is here - love the cool breezes and the changing colors. been riding a bit lately too - mostly in the mojave desert - which is just as beautiful in the fall as in the spring, only in a different way, i guess. there will be trail closures soon due to mating/nesting birds which is cool, tons of other places to ride. i canna believe what an incredible total body workout it is to ride the quad for 7 hours - still gimping a bit from last sunday's ride. taking the kids out this weekend - haven't had all three out together since we got the 4th quad. should be fun to just take off and not have to share bikes (the girl currently doubles with dale or me -though she'll be ready for her own next summer, i'm sure)...i love to get them all outside together and being the loser parent that i am, i think i'll let them stay out of school next monday so we can ride all day sunday. the disneyland guy doesn't know it and i'm sure will have something to say about it - but whatever, funny how when he wants to keep them out it's all good.

the birds have been keeping me busy filling their feeders- little bastards are getting nice and fat. crap, and multiplying - the neighbor says it sounds like the rainforest over here in the evenings when they all perch in the trees and chat. i love watching them, but damn they are gonna eat me outta house and home. doesn't help when the buttmeister eats what falls on the ground either. guess he figgers if the birds want it, he should want it too...so he chases the ground feeders off and grazes on the fallen manna. what a dope - i found a nice crumbly pile of poop in the garage this morning. of course i looked at it (who can turn away without inspecting poop?) and noticed it was made up of mostly bird seed. seems to be plugging him up a bit, LOL what a doomas.

getting ready to make a mess of nanner bread...mmmmm. my body says i need to start storing fat now, less i find myself without adequate sustenance come the winter harshness. pffft - gotta listen, right?

i hope your fall brings you as much happiness as it does me. i know that the prospect of winter depresses lots of people, but it fills me with a real joy. fires, candles and red wine. slippers and big sweaters. dark, rainy days curled up watching old movies and football. comfort foods like soups, chicken pot pies and cobblers. ahhh, heaven.


oh yea...MY PACKERS, BABY!!! 4-0 WHOOP-WHOOP! serious favre crush going on here, love him, love his spirit and his love of the game

for the love of fresh air.

holy crap where the hell have i been?

i didn't realize it's been a couple of weeks since my last post. what a freakin slacker, LOL! bennett and i are chillin' at the lake this week while brynn and braden are enjoying knott's berry farm with their dad. all of us are heading for home tomorrow and will attempt to ready ourselves for the new school year that starts monday morning. gah.

the kids and i went camping at greenhorn last weekend and had a lot of fun, well...until it was time to break camp. that gets me crabby. plain and simple. we brought sutter down with us - she is still recovering from her surgery - and i'm thinking she won't be wanting to go home anytime soon. she loves it here. she chases lizards and bunyas. she watches the coyotes from a safe distance and seems to enjoy just roaming around. she is healing nicely and there is no sign of any new lumps. she got her first bath in about...oh, i dunno - 8 years...the other day. she was so filthy from camping, i had no choice. she is definitely being spoiled though, she slept in a tent with the kids up on the mountain, and here she is quite comfy indoors with a big ole comforter and her own fan. sheesh, even the dog has an easy life.

i wish i had tales of shawna-style camping to tell you. nothing incredibly funny happened, nor did i do anything particularly stupid. my girl did not bellow across the campground this year, wondering if i was ready to tie one on at 7am. no one put anyone else's eye out with flying woodchips and/or horseshoes. it was simply relaxing and beautiful. the weather up there (at appx 5500 feet) was absolutely gorgeous - around 83 while it was 100 down in the valley.

we didn't have any interesting visitors in the night, although we were awakened a couple of mornings by some seemingly pissed off chipmunks. oh and by the daily warming up of the meat-bee indy 500. we saw a gorgeous doe (a deer, a female deer) and her twins - spots and all, OMG they were adorable. they were very casually wandering through the backside of our camp in single file stopping to nibble flowers here and there - very peaceful and calm. we tried to follow the movements of a couple of combative squirrels up in the tree tops. they would squawk at each other and the take off running, leaping from tree to tree, knocking crap down all over everyone. only twice this year did they attempt the art of murder-by-pinecone...i'm happy to report that they missed both times, but they definitely managed to skeer the bejeebus outta me. these cones are probably a foot long, maybe 5 inches in diameter and they are green so they weigh a TON. drop that pup from a height of about 70 feet and they become dangerous little bombs. little furry bastards.

anyway, sorry i haven't posted, i still have stories to tell from my trip to the coast. ugh. hopefully i can transition back to the school-year routine easily enough and get back into a schedule of my own. i love the freedom of summertime, but look forward to the FOOTBALL and cooler weather that fall brings.

back soon.

baby finches - day 15

just got back from the long weekend and two are already gone...sniff...they didn't even say goodbye. they were used to me and would react when i chirped at them, but today they just got all scrunchy and flat when i let them know i was there.

von boyage (ala brader) my little babies..auntie shawna will miss you and your little andy rooney eyebrows.

baby finches - day 10

poor things are so cramped in there, LOL - mama hasn't fit for a few days now, she just hangs out in the tree...

baby finches - day 8

ok, it's officially been 1 week - i can't believe how much they have grown...this one you keep seeing (i'm assuming it's the same one, they don't seem to be incredibly mobile) seems to be a greedy little bastard...he has, however, assumed his "very serious" face for this particular picture. notice how their wings have really sprouted in two days...

baby finches - day 6

AHAHAHAAAA - nice 'do, dude! their little eyes are fully opened and they still aren't too discriminating about who gives them food...

baby finches - day 4

eeeek! how cute are these little things? lovin' the tufts on their heads and damn - 4 days old and the little bastards are already yellin at their mum...!

they were cracking me up because they would hear my shutter and perk all up, then stop, then do it again...and lookit that scrawny lil neck, LOL! if you look closely i think you can see one of his teeeny wings...

i'll post more pics on sunday.

baby finches - day 3

(photo taken 05/17/2007)
omg - lookit how big they got in two days, notice how much they've filled up the nest!

baby finches - (appx) day 1

these were taken tuesday (05/15/2007) morning - they are pretty dang new, LOL! bizarre looking little creatures - sorry it's blurry, i was stressin' mama out and trying to hurry...these are a little finch type bird, not sure what kind, look at the green blob in the second picture...what the heck is that, a little gizzard?

wanda, the tail-less wonder

ok...one more post today cause i have these pics of this really cute fox.

she is tail-less, not sure why, and she appears to be lactating (well, either that or she's just naturally busty). she comes up onto the deck in isabella routinely every night about the same time for scraps. D usually gives her meat scraps, but get this - she LOVES flour tortillas...WTH? tell ya one thing...girl can pack it away!

ain't she a beaut? (they say things like that in isabella)

to kill a bluejay

it is "happy season" for our mourning doves...meaning they are really, really horny and have no qualms about getting busy just about ANYwhere. we have two nests that i can see - one in an acacia tree near my back porch and another in a redwood out by the (p)ool. i am rather fond of the dumb pretty little birds. (i'd swear i've written about their pathetic attempts at nest building, but can't find it...so let's suffer through it again together, shall we?). i'm convinced that when these particular birds begin mating, it's all about young love - not about nest-building abilities or maturity, it's all about being cute and being infatuated with each other. i believe my nests are proof of this. the "nest" in the acacia tree is a pathetic criss-crossing of about 15 little sticks. it is flat. it is not nest-shaped. it has holes all over. when mama sits, she is basically spreading her fat butt across a few forks in the tree. really...not very impressive. now, the nest out by the (p)ool is a much better built nest, but low to the ground and right out in the open. i think this couple were given their nest as a mating present. my guess is that it was installed pre-fabricated, it's a perfect nest. he's a handsome young bird that married into money, nothing but the best for his new FIL's baby. someone should have, however, given her a "nesting-skills-for-dummies" book...she's not so good at it. besides, they are always out partying and stuff...they are young, they still have a bit of the wild side in them, but their intentions are good, they'll straighten up when they need to, right?

ok, so little miss big-butt-on-branches is a fine mother - she has endured very gusty wind storms and pouring down rain without leaving her eggs, she is very brave and refuses to budge when i approach her nest. she has provided her chitlins with a fine father as well. he is very attentive, always bringing yummies and helping sit with the babies. they are good parents. crappy nest-builders, but seemingly really good parents.

which brings me back to the young, clueless couple. a few weeks ago, i checked the nest and found two beautiful little eggs laying sweetly in the nest. saying "awwwww" to myself, i noticed that the eggs were alone (can't get much by me) but figured, i dunno, maybe mama had to pee or something. i went out the next day to see the "grandkids" and - EEK! - only one egg in the nest. shit! i looked around and yep, evidence of the other egg was laying shattered under the nest. well crap - that sucks, but at least there is one left, right? sure, they left it unattended AGAIN, but still it's a cute egg, if not a little lonely looking. two days pass and i am doing my daily check and, shit-on-a-stick, no eggs in the nest and more shells on the ground. sigh. i figured that maybe by now the birds may possibly have realized that their perfect nest was placed in a not-so-perfect spot - too easy to access by other birds, dogs, what have you - and maybe they fled to another location.

long story a bit longer - no, they didn't go out and find/build/buy/whatever a new nest...they laid two more eggs in the existing one. very cute, sweet, white shiny eggs. after watching for a couple of days i decided that mama seemed to be sitting much better this time, the two of them are always frolicking around in the branches out there, you know, just funnin' and stuff. so, keeping that in mind, imagine my lack of concern upon looking out towards their nest two days ago and noticing branches bouncing around and stuff. then i see a bluejay hop out of the nest and see the two mourners smacking furiously at him with their wings. whoa-hey, this is not a friendly, tree tussle going on out there...they need me, that jay is trying to steal their eggs, super-shawna to the rescue, STAT!

i went tearing out there, yelling obscenities (i know...imagine that.), scaring the crap outta braden and brynn cause they had no idea why the hell i was running out the door, yelling and shaking a stick at the tree. my dogs are ALL excited because a) i was running; b) they got to go in and pee on the (p)ool area bushes; and c) i wasn't yelling obscenities at them for a change. (oh sure, happy dog day at la case de martini). so anyway, back to the birds...the farking jay flies off, and the mourners are all at each other's throats, i'm sure accusing one another of leaving the nest unattended. he quite possibly wants to know why in the hell she needed to get her claws done again and she is well within her rights to want to know where the hell he spent last night, because it definintely wasn't on his own branch! being the sensitive person that i am and seeing that they were rather caught up in their little bird-soap opera, i decided to check the nest for them and - WHEW, thank goodness - the eggs were fine. i got a warm and gooey feeling all over, happy in my role of protecting the nest from that bastard blue predator. i just assumed the couple would work out their little bird-differences, learn a lesson or two about leaving their store-bought nest unattended and get back to the business of hatching and raising their young'uns to be big, fat, healthy little bug eaters.

well, i assumed wrong. i don't know what the hell happened, but i went out this morning to say hi and make sure everything was as it should be...and fmr, no eggs. no new shells under the nest, but no babies either. sigh. i'm so depressed. will i never learn? will i ever realize that the circle of life happens for a reason and to just butt out? will the crappy-parent couple ever successfully raise babies? will the shitty nest builders reinforce their house so that the eggs don't fall through the crater-sized gaps in it? will phil spector open fire on the courtroom in a rare moment of non-medicated lucidity? and what could he possibly do next to his hair that hasn't already been done?

again with the sigh. stay tuned.