newborn pictures...

ahhh...my first IRIS is finally here! i feel like a brand new mama - she's so beautiful. i check these plants every day for buds - i've been so anxious to see them...yes, i know DUH-HORK, but i got the tubers from the Man last fall and haven't seen them bloom yet - these are our babies people!

packin' hairy legs...

not really - i shaved the night before, LOL! haven't posted any pics in a few weeks. dale and i morphed into scooter-trash this last sunday. it was a beautiful day for motorcycle riding so we hopped astride the marauder and headed towards the mountains for a few hours...my canon digi was just too bulky to take along, so i chose to take along the smaller olympus and it did pretty well, it was a really hazy day and i caught a few sun flares, but i like how most of them turned out.

one thing about d is that he will, at any moment in time - regardless of where we are, pull over for a photo op. if i happen to see something on the fly, he will turn around to get me back to that perfect shot with nary a bitch. yes, he is that awesome. here are a couple of shots from up near millerton lake...absolutely gorgeous flowers in bloom everywhere. unbeknownst to him, he gave me his best marlboro man pose too - bonus.

lost in the magic

whew! been a busy week...i've rediscovered a TON of my music and have been busy streamlining my ipod. some of my favorite new stuff is Live, check out The Dolphin's Cry...i love music, always have. i almost always have itunes blasting on my computer or my ipod plugged in to my head. it motivates me to clean, it motivates me to scrap, motivates me to meditate. i wake up to it, i fall asleep to it, i clean my car to it. get it? i love it... you know how songs can instantly transport you to a different time, a different place, an exact moment in time - what else can do that?

R.E.M - Everybody Hurts takes me back to 9-11 and the pain and passion and the unity of an entire country;

Savage Garden - Truly, Madly, Deeply, love the song but it does bring back the absurdity of darva and rick of Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire fame;

Stevie Wonder - Ma Cherie Amore (ok this one is is rather obscure) brings to me the vision of my dad hogging the single bathroom in a house full of 6 people, grooming and admiring himself in the mirror for hours, singing his own version that goes a little like "ma cherie amore, you dirty fucking whore..." (oh yea, dad's not only a classic, but an entire chapter unto himself);

Crowded House - Don't Dream it's Over, ah the ever sexy neil finn crooning on a summer evening whilst i delivered auto parts at 20 (hey, only the coolest job evah!) "hey now, hey now..."

anything Gin Blossoms reminds me of the first time i met fleck and of the two of us blasting down the freeway in SLC headed to an LSS or bothering the locals for directions to a mexican food restaurant - geez, who's a girl gotta blow to get a beer in that town, anyway???

Joan Jett - Crimson and Clover, for some reason takes me to the scuzzy apartment of some college yo's that were more than likely trying to get kathy and i drunk in the irrational hopes of an impromptu orgy (yea, like there's any other kind - not that i know first hand, but you get where i'm going here...) yea ok, moving on;

Led Zeppelin - Stairway to Heaven reminds me of my older brother locked behind his bedroom door plucking away at his guitar, learning himself some skillz. and also of middle school's Mr Johnson strumming it on his guitar at music hour with me (lost in the music), unaware of my head bobbing to the music when the entire song changed tempo, making the mean people in the class crack up. mortifying.

ooh how about some Roxette - It Must Have Been Love puts me in the wind-blown passenger seat of the (original chick-magnet chrysler lebaron) convertible headed to the napa valley with mike - happy, free and completely unstressed;

there is the disturbing image that Rod Stewart's - Tonight's the Night conjures up of the icky older brother of one of my friends trying to convince me - at about 13, mind you - that the phrase "spread your wings and let me come inside" meant that i needed to gift him my virginity...eew gross. to this day that songs makes me cringe...

i remember my dad and i belting out gawd-knows-who's (ok, it's Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods [yea, everybody now - ah HELL NO does she know that]) - Billy Don't be a Hero in the car;

my earliest pain-inducing crush was on Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere and the Raiders fame (suh-WOON) singing "cherokee people, cherokee pri-hiiiide" on that mega hit Indian Reservation (The Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian) sigh - such passion, such a cause...

Tone-Loc - Funky Cold Medina taught me that i did not, in fact, have any rhythm and to watch out for chicks named sheena sportin "an osca meyah weinah"

Cowboy Junkies - Crescent Moon, discovered in a rented cottage (the bedroom was antique blue toile - gorgeous) in the lovely california wine-country town of st. helena. can i just say here that margo timmins freakin kicks ASS - her voice is so hauntingly beautiful, pretty much anything she touches is gold, you really should check her out, if you aren't familiar with her.

how about the timeless classic Queen - We Will Rock You...i kid you not, i remember what road i was on, in what car and whom i was with when i first heard this song (redding ca, hilltop drive, I-5 underpass making a right hand turn onto the freeway in the little red datsun B210 with my mom and my older brother mark) from the newly purchased just-released News of the World album - which also introduced us to the really raunchy Get Down, Make Love - who can forget freddie's rather subtle tribute to raw (gay, though we didn't know it at the time) sex? "you say you strong, i say you weak - you say you hungraaay, i give you meat. i suck your miiiiind, you blow my head - make love...inside your bed - everybody get down, make love..." ah good times hangin' out with the fam...

Eddie Money - Sh-Sh-Shakin' my first rock concert baby - wow did i have a crush on him - he was old and kinda ugly, but damn he rocked my prepubescent world...

Waylon Jennings - Ain't Livin' Long Like This tosses me back to a glorious, college-boy filled (were their names paul and mark? hmmm...) steamy summer vacation in tempe, arizona

and for the last forever, every school morning when i pass my neighbor sylvia, Dr. Hook - Sylvia's Mother (oh yea, you know it - sing along with me) pops into my head "...and the operator says... 40 cents more... for the next... three... minutes, pleeeeeeeeease mrs. avery i, just gotta talk to her..."

as you can see, i can go on and on - i absolutely love music, i have very eclectic, varied tastes. i love classic rock, alternative rock, classical, disco ("looking for a lover that needs another - don't want another night on my own - i wanna share my love with a warm-blooded lover, i wanna bring a wild man back home. gotta have some hot love baby this evening, i need some some hot stuff baby tonight - gotta have some lovin', GOT to have love toniiiiiight" you get down with your nasty, disco-self donna), country, jazz, soft rock, metal, angry why-don't-you-just-go-fuck-yourself-already rock, reggae, blues, white boy rap (love me some scroungy Kid Rock oh and c'mon on who didn't kick it to Vanilla's Ice, Ice Baby once or twice?); the only music i don't care for is the hard core rap-crap that the only words you can understand are - "yo ho, ima bust a cap up yo ass you don't bring pimp daddy home da green" , although, i must admit, Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise is a pretty kickin song...

go dig through your music albums, cd's, cassettes, 8-tracks (haha. kidding - yea, i don't even know what those are.) check out itunes (only the greatest place in cyberspace) and discover what takes you back to good times and bad...it's all memories and part of who you are today. believe me, even if it makes you half as happy as it makes me, it's a very good thing.

ode to a rat...

2 for 3 baby! HOOYEA, ratman said he had to dig around in the insulation to find the traps, they flew so far - yick! then he asks me if i'd like to pay my last respects to the happy couple...uhhhh, thanks - kind gesture and all but no. he said he thinks that was probably the extent of my infestation, but reset the traps for the weekend - and he said this time if i hear them to call him, these were already beginning to emit noxious odors, LOL!

i'll be heading out for the weekend this evening - heading to the desert...for sunday we ride (picture nacho libre gunning his cart-thingy throttle)!

i find it interesting...

here's a questionnaire i found on MC, i thought it was fun:

1. What time did you get up this morning? i'm one of those dorks that set their bedside clocks ahead in the hopes of faking myself out on what time it really is...stupid yes and i have no excuse - it's just how i roll. alarm goes off at 6:15, i loll around listening to bob and tom till about 6:45 or 7, then pop out of bed and get all surprised when i look at the 'real' clock and it's only 6:30. WOOHOO, powned me a-gain!
2. Diamonds or pearls? this SO cannot be a serious question.
3 .What was the last film you saw at the cinema? ghost rider (pffttt, not my choice, but i'll give sam elliot his props...he maybe old, but he's one sexy sumbitch!)
4. What is your favorite TV show? the ORIGINAL CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. i am a complete forensic science geek, but david caruso (miami) just creeps me out and really - melina karaasskrackadoshus (ny) is just too perfect to take seriously all traipsing around bloated juicy dead bodies and junk.
5. What did you have for breakfast this morning? just coffee today, cause i was late for an appointment. i usually eat two packs (yea two - you wanna go?) of quaker instant boatmeal, maple and brown sugar flavor.
6. What is your middle name? lynne, same as my ma's and my gram's - how sweet is that? so sweet in fact, that i failed to give it to ms b, what a lah-hoo-zer!
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Mexican followed ohsoclosely by eyetalyun!
8. What foods do you dislike? tomatoes, but only because of the seeds (i'm telling ya, they are the eyes of the devil. they are evil, EEE-VIL i say!) give me a genuine seedless tom and i'd be all over it!
9 . Favorite chips? crunchy cheetos...and yes, they count as a chip! mmmmm crunchy cheetos. i love crunchy cheetos. i would marry crunchy cheetos...
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? lately i've been stuck on anything mudvayne or korn (and no mom, i don't have anger issues, i just like to bang my head on occasion, sheesh).
11. What kind of car do you drive? a chebby suburban, vato!
12. What is your favorite sandwich? quizno's hot pastrami, swiss cheese, light mayo, deli mustard, pickles, bell peppers, olives and pepperoncinis. add just pepper and just vinegar and some creamy horseradish...mmmmm, mmmmm TOAST-AY!
13. What characteristics do you despise? sneakiness (hugely hate this), pretentiousness (is that a word? even if it's not it should be, these peeps need to be knocked down a notch), and dishonesty - ARGH!
14. What are your favorite clothes? my AF 1892 button fly's and a spaghetti strap top (with my bra straps showing of course - hey, you can take the girl outta cottonwood...), add some sketchers and i'm good to go!
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would it be? anywhere with old castles - ireland would be my first choice. oooh, ooh italy - i'm thinkin' the italian countryside would truly kick ass to travel for a few weeks too...
16. Favorite brand of clothing? abercrombie, because i'm a really cool 41 year old mom...
17. Where would you want to retire? flagstaff, AZ. but really anywhere that actually gets 4 seasons. i want some snow in winter and a few hot days in summer and nice long springs and falls...really - is this just too much to ask?
18. Favorite time of day? early, early morning before the sun comes up - which makes absolutely no sense, because i also love to sleep in. sleeping in is my favorite, favorite.
19. Where were you born? sisters of mercy hospital in redding, california - thank you very much.
20. What is your favorite sport to watch? football, but only pro...despise college - they don't wear long socks. what is up with that?!?
(skipped two irrelevant ones)
23. Pepsi or Coke? pepsi, coke is just gross.
(i didn't skip #24, it skipped me)
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? gee, not really either one, although i'd like to be more of a morning person...at night time i'm too tired to stay up late enough to enjoy anything fun, well...almost anything fun.
26. Pedicure or manicure? pedi...LOVE the pedi's - could use the mani's, having man-hands and all, but definitely prefer the pedi's.
27. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? filing for divorce tomorrow - that's exciting!
28. What did you want to be when you were a kid? shorter, LOL! i also wanted to be a veterinarian.
29. What is your best childhood memory? the summer days spent on my friend lori's horse sissy (between the ages of about 12-16) ah, good times...good times!
31. Ever been to Africa? uh...i felt the rains down in africa. it's gonna take some time to do the things we never haa-aave...ooohoo...oh, oh.
32. Ever been toilet papering? uh...NO man, that crap is just mean!
33. Been in a car accident? my mom's VW bus (hooyea baby - have you ever driven one of these? so cool how they pop wheelies when you take off) was sideswiped when i was about 7 or so...oh and i drove through (yes, through, it exploded upon impact) a deer before, wasn't really an accident though - i mean, it was an accident, i didn't mean to drive through the deer, but it didn't wreck my car, just had a buncha splatty green stuff all up on my grill...
34. Favorite Day of the week? probably saturday, but they all have something good about them don't they?
35. Favorite restaurant? (all in fresno) high steppin' - Upstairs, Downtown (holy CRAP, this foofy food is some seriously good shit!); average attire - Yoshino's teppan-yaki (c'mon, who doesn't love the onion volcano?); slummin' - Famous Dave's BBQ (their motto is my motto; Eat Like A Pig!); fast food - weinerschnitzel (best hangover food, evah!)
36. Favorite Flower? gardenias and irises
37. Favorite ice cream? thrifty brand chocolate chip cookie dough...mmmmm, i love ice cream. i could marry ice cream...

spoiling the rat soiree

rats...rats...rats. GUH-UH-ROSS!

they are definintely in my attic...saturday night we heard them frolicking over my bedroom - oh my but they must have been having fun. tuesday morning i heard them scamper across the living room ceiling...and by the sounds of them, they could very well be a pack of dogs. i was told i would hear them if they were up there...i just figured it would be kinda skritchy, you know? maybe i have mutant rats. mutant rats would make a lot of noise. mutant rats could chew through my ceiling and watch me sleep. mutant rats would definitely be interesting...but i think i'd rather have the regger kind of rats - i mean, if i got to choose...

the rat man is coming today to set traps for the little (BIG!!!) bastards...oh joy. my choices will be to check the traps myself daily or let the rat man check them every 5 days. eeeew gross. dead, rotting mutant rats in my ceiling for the better part of a week. i thought about tossing my cat up there for a week...she'd survive, right? i mean , i'd give her water, she could eat the rats and she'd be warm with all that insulation. she'd probably whine and cry and bitch at first, but once her kill-or-be-killed instinct kicked in, i'm thinking she'd be happier'n a pig in shit, right? sounds like a win-win to me. i mean, i could send the butt-meister up there, but, a) i'd need a freakin back hoe to get his huge ass up there; b) he'd more than likely come crashing through the ceiling on day one (he's a "large-boned" boy) and c) he's not the sharpest crayon in the box - the mutant rats might get the better of him mentally and turn him against me...the ramifications of this are too frightening to even begin to imagine.

guess it's gonna be ripe rat corpses in my attic, cause i am so not checking traps. cheese n rice...this is my life.

O, suh-NAP! (thum-thump...)

got a live one (well, it was alive, i'm guessing now...ehhh, not so much)

i'm so grossed out right now. was sitting here on the laptop and heard a loud noise above me. instantly figured it was one of 'my' rats thumping around, then realized i had just heard a trap go off - FMR, that's just nasty, nasty i say! my rat guy (just how wrong is it that i need my own personal rat man?) is coming back tomorrow morning to check the traps, but told me to call him if i heard one go off - who the hell knew you could hear a rat trap snap?

i'm not calling him and i'm NOT going up there to investigate. he can clean up the corpse in the morning...ick, eew it was really warm today too.

Shawna the Unicorn Destroyer

i'm not sure what happened these past few days...i'm thinking that The Birthday Weekend took more of a toll than i thought it would. all the birthday stuff went pretty smoothly, that is until i was offhandedly accused of chipping a large child's (curiously he's the exact size of ms b's DAD) ceramic unicorn...

brynn's party was at a place called Color-Me-Mine. it's this very cool studio where you pick out a ceramic piece of whatever and you paint it. they label it and fire it and you pick it up a week or so later...very cool, very fun, very messy. the "kids" are to put on three coats of paint and dry with a hairdryer in between coats - i took on the drying role because i'm cool that way and besides, it got me away from all the little crumbsnatchers crying because they got blue paint on the toes they wanted brown...they of course wanted the grown-up in the group (see, this should have been my sign right here) to clean off the misguided paint (for the 3rd time) so they could make it the color they really wanted it to be. [i tried handling this role in the beginning, but when i started experiencing a very strong desire to smash the multi-colored (does a little bit of blue really affect your every-color-under-the-rainbow-EXCEPT-blue turtle???) pieces against the wall, i decided it was probably best to hand it over to the professionals that are properly trained for that kind of stuff...]

ok...so my role as the hairdryer-wielding cool mom was going quite smoothly over in my little corner. i'm happy as an overheated clam (take one small room with 10 little kids and three adults, add one continuously running hairdryer on high and a pre-menopausal, anti-depressant drugged female...let's just say it tends to get really damp), minding my business, doing my job, when Disneyland Dad (the previously alluded to large child painting a unicorn) brings me his magnificent mythical pet to dry. i can handle this, i'm a big, independent girl now, he doesn't affect me anymore, he doesn't stress me out when he's within 15 feet of me, the sound of his voice doesn't make my hands suddenly quit working and drop everything with no reason, i'm a good dryer, i'm a pro, i've been doing this crap for oh, about an hour now...bring it on.

well fuck me running if the thing didn't fall over - OVER! - as soon as i put the hairdryer to it. it fell quietly, but it still fell...eek! i risked a quick look around to see if anyone noticed, nope - it's all good i'm clear. i nonchalantly checked the precious beast for smeared paint, nope - all good still. whew. i continued on drying it and then ever-so-gently returned it to it's master. i wandered a bit checking on the little monsters' progress happening around the room. every once in awhile, i would allow myself to imagine the horrible things that could have happened to that unicorn (and then stifle the giggles that threatened to expose me)...i allowed myself the image of it crashing to the ground shattering into a million pieces..."oops! i'm so sorry..." (heh heh heh). all the while silently gesturing the sign of the cross in my head (nope not even catholic).

and then it happened.

"uhm, shawna?"

"hmmm...?" (ugh, what could he possibly want from me?)
"did you drop my unicorn?" (his head is down, he's still painting...)
"what...i can't hear you" (CRAAAAP!)

"did you drop my unicorn when you were drying it?" (raised eyebrow...just wondering is all)

"WHAT...? DID I WHAT...???" (i yell back because whew, it sure is loud in here)

"my unicorn has a chipped hoof. i'm quite sure it wasn't chipped before..." (two raised brows and a head bob, he's rapidly becoming ghetto-oprah)

"you have a chip stuck WHERE?" (wildly gesturing with my hands at my ears that it is JUST too loud for me to hear clearly)

"never mind..." (he offers up a huge sigh with a definite eye roll...fucker)
"are you sure? i'm sorry i can't hear you, it's just so LOUD in here" (pure sweetness and light)
"there is a chipped hoof on my unicorn that wasn't there before, and i'm pretty sure I didn't drop it..." (he officially launches the Accusing Glare)
"oh wow, really? gee bummer, no...i don't remember dropping it, i'm sure i would remember if i dropped it...hmmm, wonder how that happened?" (it's not a lie, it's not a lie...i didn't drop it - it fell, there's a difference!)
i swear, my life with him has almost always been like that...i am quite competent until he comes around. then i'm just a clumsy moron with no rational explanation for anything i do around him. a bit later, as he was drying his third coat (HE handled the hairdryer this time, thank you very much...) i wandered over with another piece to dry and because i am a complete juvenile and it is physically impossible for me to shut my mouth at times (it's a defect i've suffered from since early childhood), this hissing exchange occurs quietly at the corner of the room:

"i didn't break your stupid unicorn..."

"i didn't say you did, i just asked if you dropped it - jeez, friggen lighten up and quit being such a bitch..."

"pffftttttt...what-EVER!" (with a sassy hair flip as i sashay off )

hmmm, a lot of our conversations are like that. this divorce thing remains a complete mystery...