i would rather watch buddy poop.

ZOMBIE NATION...oooh, sounds creepy huh? oh yea. LOVE me some creepy movies...after reading the back of the case at the video store, i didn't expect it would be taking home any oscars, but come on...what critic ever really appreciates a good zombie film? besides, the cover has this way cool, grey-skinned, drippy-fanged, glazed-over-eyeballs dude - oh yea, so sold.

first i was going to fuck with you and tell you to run out and rent ---no, BUY this film. you know, just for fun - but i felt guilty even thinking about it. second i was going to tell you, in detail, about the 84 minutes of my life that i will never get back and try to explain just how painful the passing of each one was. however, upon thinking about it for roughly 12 seconds, i've decided that i cannot make up words to describe this movie. but i'm going to try. i owe it to the unsuspecting masses. really.

do you like the night of the living dead movies? I LOVE THEM. my personal favorite is the mall one (is that dawn of the dead?) complete with porno music, get down and get funky 70's fashion statements and the ever-hunky (gah) steve running through the mall trying to keep up with the cool guy and protect the dimwitted stoned chick. great cinema there - campy and cheeseball and solid entertainment all the way through. now, zombie nation? uh, notsomuch. my point is that i'm not at all hard to please when it comes to skeery, creepy, gory movies and this one failed even me miserably.

not only was there NOTHING in the movie even slightly resembling the way-cool monster on the front of the case, there was nothing resembling an actor, a real movie set or even movie cameras (note the plural - there did seem to be one real movie camera but clips from it were scattered about the movie among many more clips from someones garage sale find in the form of a home video camera circa 1987 - remember the ones roughly the size of a microwave that you had to carry on your shoulder? ok, we are now officially on the same page...); the voice dubs were off - hell, i think their mouths were moving in english, but it was really hard to tell in some places - they could have been speaking farsi for all i know; the fight scenes were so bad that you could see them swing, let up and purposely miss when they were "beating" someone up; oh, and probably my all time favorite part of the movie was when this one guy (at band camp) was hefting a duffel bag (supposedly carrying a dead chick going about a buck-twenty) into the trunk of his maroon mercury cougar "police car", you see him really struggling to carry it because, well...you know it was "heavy". then came the moment where he actually threw it into the trunk...it was so painfully obvious that the bag was flat-ass empty that, just for shits and giggles, we rewound and rewatched it about 5 times. evidently not one person "on the set" thought to toss even a few rocks in there for effect.

apparently the budget for the "film" was so small, the only zombie makeup they could come up with was what appeared to be black crayon rubbed around the actors' (and i use that term oh-so-loosely) eyeballs; apparently, the budget was so small, instead of renting an actual room to film their "police station" scenes in, they used a portion of someones storage warehouse (complete with water pipes and actual stored products) and set up cubicle dividers to make pretend walls; apparently, the budget was so small that when one scene called for a chick-zombie to bite off some guy's wanker, did they at least flash me a glimpse of a real one? noooo, they instead substituted what appeared to be a ketchupy dog's tongue or maybe it was a hot dog - it was dark and hard to tell, regardless IT WAS SO FAKE. interestingly enough, they did find it in the budget to include a close-up scene of some hippie guy (complete with braids and a rolled up bandanna) on the side of the road flashing a peace sign for no apparent reason. it does indeed, remain a puzzling decision.

so, i'm not siskel, ebert or roper, BUT the only value i would place on this dvd would be the ability to do the poop-scoopin'-boogie with it and then maybe, once loaded, throw it like a frisbee over the neighbor's fence. that just might match the thrill of that one scene, when this single, monstrously large, seemingly floating in mid-air, silicone-filled, bare breast took over the entire screen. oh sure. that was worth the rental fee right there. (come on, you know you want to add this movie to your blockbuster online queue - what are you waiting for?)

baby finches - day 15

just got back from the long weekend and two are already gone...sniff...they didn't even say goodbye. they were used to me and would react when i chirped at them, but today they just got all scrunchy and flat when i let them know i was there.

von boyage (ala brader) my little babies..auntie shawna will miss you and your little andy rooney eyebrows.

calling all doctors

did i ever tell you about the time i went out to play with the kids in a light rain, hopped on a scooter to show off some mad skillz and ended up flat on my ass after free falling horizontally at a dead drop from about 4 feet up? no? hmmm...can't understand why i wouldn't have jumped right on here and filled you in on that.

about three weeks ago two of my kids are out playing in the rain, having oh-so-much fun when i felt the need to show them just how fast i can take an incredibly sharp 45 degree turn on a scooter without putting my feet down. holy shit, it didn't occur to me that the ground was wet and therefore possibly a tad slippery until i was already committed to the turn, about half way through it. honestly? one second my brain is screaming "OMG-SUNOFA-BITCH i'm not gonna make it!!!", the next second i am trying to shake off a concussion and breathe my way through the blinding pain that had become my left thigh.

my kids were trying so hard to not laugh (do i really need to add that they weren't having a lot of luck at it?) and help me to my feet at the same time, all the while i'm laughing/crying and just trying to get off the ground so that not EVERY neighbor i have sees me crippled on the ground and just assumes shawna went on another bender...ugh. they helped me hobble back into the house and i began myslow and painful recouperation.

three nights i couldn't sleep anywhere but on my right side, five days i gimped around the house, wincing when i had to get in or out of my car. the bruise was phenomenal and were my legs not so hideously gross BEFORE they were black, blue, green and purple, i may have allowed a picture to be taken, but so sorry charlie, not happ-nin'. i'm telling you this thing was the size of a really large man's foot. the center of the area didn't discolor, it only remained numb. the outer ring of the area turned an amazing array of colors over the first week and slowy faded to a lovely brownish color. three weeks later the entire is still sore to the touch, and the center of it pretty much feels like touching your own hand when it's fallen asleep. omg and it ITCHES, but when i scratch it, i can't feel anything so it doesn't cure the itch. WTF? and if i happen to turn or pull against the area when i'm laying on that side this amazing, unbelieveable heat begins and feels like my leg is aflame...what the hell could i have done to it???

baby finches - day 10

poor things are so cramped in there, LOL - mama hasn't fit for a few days now, she just hangs out in the tree...

baby finches - day 8

ok, it's officially been 1 week - i can't believe how much they have grown...this one you keep seeing (i'm assuming it's the same one, they don't seem to be incredibly mobile) seems to be a greedy little bastard...he has, however, assumed his "very serious" face for this particular picture. notice how their wings have really sprouted in two days...

baby finches - day 6

AHAHAHAAAA - nice 'do, dude! their little eyes are fully opened and they still aren't too discriminating about who gives them food...

baby finches - day 4

eeeek! how cute are these little things? lovin' the tufts on their heads and damn - 4 days old and the little bastards are already yellin at their mum...!

they were cracking me up because they would hear my shutter and perk all up, then stop, then do it again...and lookit that scrawny lil neck, LOL! if you look closely i think you can see one of his teeeny wings...

i'll post more pics on sunday.

baby finches - day 3

(photo taken 05/17/2007)
omg - lookit how big they got in two days, notice how much they've filled up the nest!

baby finches - (appx) day 1

these were taken tuesday (05/15/2007) morning - they are pretty dang new, LOL! bizarre looking little creatures - sorry it's blurry, i was stressin' mama out and trying to hurry...these are a little finch type bird, not sure what kind, look at the green blob in the second picture...what the heck is that, a little gizzard?

wanda, the tail-less wonder

ok...one more post today cause i have these pics of this really cute fox.

she is tail-less, not sure why, and she appears to be lactating (well, either that or she's just naturally busty). she comes up onto the deck in isabella routinely every night about the same time for scraps. D usually gives her meat scraps, but get this - she LOVES flour tortillas...WTH? tell ya one thing...girl can pack it away!

ain't she a beaut? (they say things like that in isabella)

guilty pleasures

ahh...this should be good, LOL! things that i take pleasure in even though it is wrong, or silly, or just not good for me in some way...you know, things i feel guilty about liking for some reason and might not admit to just anyone.

1) LOVE the song "MMMMM BOP" by hansen - i have no idea what the words are, but i simply cannot hold still when it's playing on the pod

2) 2 scoops of vanilla ice cream on top of a toasted (frozen) belgian waffle, another toasted waffle broken up on top, covered with hot fudge (not choco syrup, gotta be the thick and gooey stuff)

3) a two hour nap in the early afternoon

4) sitting and looking at my scrap stuff

5) the sound of resignation mixed with exasperation in mike's voice

6) spotting cellulite on some really hot chick's legs

7) trapping some dickhead in the right-hand lane behind another car as he tries to pass me on the wrong side (hello? i'm in the left lane for a reason...dumbass)

(sidenote: shitsticks! i've already covered 5 of the Seven Deadly Sins, i'm so going to Hell)

8) i absolutely love it when i just get my hair colored and cut - it just makes me happy all over even though the cost of it could feed a smallish country for a cuppla days

(well now, there's number 6 - i guess we might as well cover them all...)

9) i could tackle lust right here and now, but i'm sparing you the pain and scarring of the visuals i might leave you with - you'll just have to trust me on this one

10) try as i might, i haven't a 10th guilty pleasure, does that make me incomplete somehow?