inspired by my girl KimmyG...
as the year comes to a close, i find myself with a lot to say about just a few things...normally i just roll with the new year and go about taking my life one day at a time. i try to be a better person on a daily basis, but sometimes i backslide. a lot. here are my thoughts on that noise. and it may be a bit scattered, so hold on loosely - but don't let go.
it's been a year of change. a beginning of a clearing of the head, so to speak. well, it's still a work in progress, but i believe that i am finally on the right track after some serious alone time in my head. i have learned that i have made it a life-long habit to trust others blindly and entirely too quickly. i have learned that rarely do others think, feel and act as i do, would or will. i am struggling with this being ok. i expect people to reciprocate in like, and that, if not completely unrealistic, is definitely unfair. i project onto them and then become disappointed and hurt when they can't or won't be, say or do what i expect of them. i'm working on that.
the changes i have made - am making - involve a lot of other people, which is odd because i really am a bit of a loner in my natural environment. there are only a few people who really know me. like seriously, maybe THREE, not counting my kids. i have hurt some good people and i have definitely helped some not-so-good people...not the way it's supposed to work by any means, but it is what it is. i'm still learning.
to quote kim; "i learned some friendships you just outgrow, and others just weren't meant to be." to add to that, i believe that all of our relationships serve a purpose. even (maybe even ESPECIALLY) the toxic ones. there truly is something beneficial to be found in each and every one of them...no matter how long they last, or how abruptly they end. find out what it is, appreciate it and learn from it.
it's been a year of change. a beginning of a clearing of the head, so to speak. well, it's still a work in progress, but i believe that i am finally on the right track after some serious alone time in my head. i have learned that i have made it a life-long habit to trust others blindly and entirely too quickly. i have learned that rarely do others think, feel and act as i do, would or will. i am struggling with this being ok. i expect people to reciprocate in like, and that, if not completely unrealistic, is definitely unfair. i project onto them and then become disappointed and hurt when they can't or won't be, say or do what i expect of them. i'm working on that.
the changes i have made - am making - involve a lot of other people, which is odd because i really am a bit of a loner in my natural environment. there are only a few people who really know me. like seriously, maybe THREE, not counting my kids. i have hurt some good people and i have definitely helped some not-so-good people...not the way it's supposed to work by any means, but it is what it is. i'm still learning.
to quote kim; "i learned some friendships you just outgrow, and others just weren't meant to be." to add to that, i believe that all of our relationships serve a purpose. even (maybe even ESPECIALLY) the toxic ones. there truly is something beneficial to be found in each and every one of them...no matter how long they last, or how abruptly they end. find out what it is, appreciate it and learn from it.
i've learned that i slide when i fall, i no longer bounce like i used to. like, i hit the ground and then find that i do stupid shit that makes the pain greater and last longer rather than just jumping up, shaking it off and dancing away until the next time. yes, the road rash i am currently sporting on the right side of my face as i type is purely symbolic of a much deeper and more important lesson here - i'm talking life lessons - heart lessons - as well as face lessons.
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i need to keep this in mind going forward...failing (and yes, falling) has become more painful as i get older and (hopefully) wiser. i feel the after effects much longer.
i am finally learning to trust based on actions, not words. i am learning that while words are immediate and soothing, repetition of them may be covering for the lack of sincerity behind them. i am learning that if the right person tells you something honest and meaningful one time - even if they stumble over it and almost throw up saying it - it might be enough. assuming, of course, that their actions follow through and support it. it may not be necessary to hear that thing over and over again. NICE, yes...just not necessarily indicative of the honesty and the validity of the thing. nuff said.
and so, life goes on...if we are lucky.
hopefully we surround ourselves with people who love us in spite of ourselves. i seem to.
i need to keep this in mind going forward...failing (and yes, falling) has become more painful as i get older and (hopefully) wiser. i feel the after effects much longer.
i am finally learning to trust based on actions, not words. i am learning that while words are immediate and soothing, repetition of them may be covering for the lack of sincerity behind them. i am learning that if the right person tells you something honest and meaningful one time - even if they stumble over it and almost throw up saying it - it might be enough. assuming, of course, that their actions follow through and support it. it may not be necessary to hear that thing over and over again. NICE, yes...just not necessarily indicative of the honesty and the validity of the thing. nuff said.
and so, life goes on...if we are lucky.
hopefully we surround ourselves with people who love us in spite of ourselves. i seem to.
1 comment:
LOVE your way with words and I can so relate to alot of this - maybe it's the Gemini is us! Hope 2014 brings you lo0ve, luck and happiness Shayna Lou, you s=deserve it XX
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