believe it or not, i teach my kids to respect authority. i really do and i'm sincere about it. but, i also teach my kids that just because they are kids doesn't mean that any person of "authority" can make them their bitch. two way street, respect. you give respect and you earn it. my kids have made, and will more than likely continue to make, stupid decisions on occasion. hello...K-I-D-S. sure, i can forewarn them and help guide them...but bottom line rule number one in Shawna's Handbook of Stellar Parenting is Pick Your Fucking Battles.
my kids have been raised to follow the rules set for them. if a particular rule seems to have no real meaning other than, "because i said so", or the reason is plumb-fuck stupid, bring it to me, we'll discuss it. present your case, if it's done well, the odds are that you'll get a revised rule. not always, but generally speaking. of course, if mama's in the middle of a nap or busy gettin' her drink on you might want to wait a bit...but hey, that's rare.
the toughest part for me has been teaching my kids that sometimes you have to bite the ass's ass and just conform. if you have no real reason to balk at a rule, you just find yourself feeling a little itchy and want to tell someone to fuck off...maybe you should look twice at, and probably follow, the rule. some "grown-ups" have never learned that the fastest way to get a kid to understand something is to EXPLAIN your reasons for asking them to do something in particular. concept. now, don't get me wrong - there have been plenty of times that the words "BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!" have spewed from my lips. usually this is after i've tried explaining my reasoning and seem to have hit a brick wall of smelly, defiant teen angst.
over the last 10 years, i've gone head to head with certain levels of administration in this school district. depending on the issue, i've stepped up at the request of my kids or because i was personally unhappy with something that had come to my attention. i've dealt with issues ranging from male-child hair actually touching (GASP!) eyelashes to a suspension stemming from a child jay-walking 25 minutes after, and two blocks away from, school. seriously ridiculous shit. safe to say i've made no friends in this school system and have probably set my daughter up for a rough road based strictly upon her surname. regardless, i think my kids have learned some valuable lessons from my stand-offs.
i'm sure there are many (did i mention, MANY?) people that wonder how i've escaped losing my children to the state based upon my continual parental performances. what i would like to say to those people is that, surprisingly enough, my children really are very well balanced. i'm not in denial, i swear to you. i have amazingly open relationships with my kids. they respect me - we do give each other a lot of shit, but when they hear the specific tone or see the specific look from across the room, they pay attention. my kids have learned to trust me and most of my decisions. they trust that, for the most part, if i stick to something it's because i have a good reason. i do, as a result, have to put up with a fuckton of back and forth explaining...but if it gets our points across to each other, i'm cool with that.
i remember very clearly the frustration of being told that i couldn't do something that i believed from the bottom of my soul i should be able to do. i remember screaming in my bedroom about the unfairness of being to do something that i believed with all my mind that i shouldn't be forced to do. i also remember, very clearly, The Curse of "i hope you have kids just like you someday... you'll see."
and i do. and i do.
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