there once was this guy...

that i didn't know. something happened to him and suddenly he was gone. just...gone. i see the reaction of people that did know him and i am touched. so deeply. i hope he had a sense of how treasured he was while he was here. i do doubt it, though...

we all want to believe that we have made a difference in at least ONE other person's life, don't we? i mean yes, mom's know that they have spawned other little human beings - some definitely questionable on exactly what percentage of them are really human, but i digress. so, in the area of reproduction some of us have made a difference, but what i mean is within other people's hearts and souls. people we may have never met, people we may have met but not recognized that we have connected in some way. people we have known but not understood. people that we assume we have made no difference in them whatsoever.

do you ever wonder what people will say/think/believe about you if you were suddenly just...gone? it freaks me out, lol...don't you imagine that your friends would certainly miss something - if only the droning of your voice as you ramble on and on and on about things that no one in their right mind, or otherwise, could possibly find interesting? would they miss something as cool as listening to you describe your dog dragging his ass on the concrete patio as you stand there and try to have a serious conversation with your stripper/bug guy? would they miss listening to you actually cry about stupid things? something as stupid as, oh i don't know...the fact that you went to the freezer jonsing for some strawberry toaster strudels only to find that your little savage bastard hoover-vacuum children have eaten all of them once again, left the empty box in the freezer and you HAVE. JUST. HAD. IT with their little mooching ruinous asses? would they miss hearing you laugh about even stupider things? something like the fact that you actually managed to make yourself look even lower than the white trash that you are by getting busted "stealing" a broken toilet seat from a pile of discarded stuff that sits in the street waiting for the trash man because you think you can use part of it for a nifty redneck planter? what about missing you bitch about really intelligent things? things like OMGGGGG how pissed off you get when you gesture to your significant other to grab a line at costco that is suddenly shorter than the one you are standing in, and the person behind you hears you and darts to the short line before your guy even begins to process that you are asking him to do something? holy SHIT that makes my balls boil...but wait, this isn't about me, lol.

my point is i am sitting here wondering if everyone who has touched my life knows that they have and to what extent? i'm talking about the ones that have touched it in a positive way - believe you me...those other bastards definitely know they have fucked up. you can't let that shit slide. again, digression. sorry. stop and think about it...do you know? (where you're going to, do you like the things that life is showing you, do you know?) do your people know it from you? maybe you should tell them, show them, make sure they do know...but be careful, people tend to get freaked out if you just pop into their life and say "hey, you know i dig you right? no matter what? ok cool, just checking" and dart off again. maybe ease into it a with a little more subtlety. something a little more personal, like, "hey remember that rash you were complaining about that just showed up that one time we got shitfaced and woke up naked on the homeless docks? good times - everything clear up ok? cool, keep on keepin' on and know i dig you baby". see class really does make all the difference.

serially - know that i dig you baby