calling all doctors

did i ever tell you about the time i went out to play with the kids in a light rain, hopped on a scooter to show off some mad skillz and ended up flat on my ass after free falling horizontally at a dead drop from about 4 feet up? no? hmmm...can't understand why i wouldn't have jumped right on here and filled you in on that.

about three weeks ago two of my kids are out playing in the rain, having oh-so-much fun when i felt the need to show them just how fast i can take an incredibly sharp 45 degree turn on a scooter without putting my feet down. holy shit, it didn't occur to me that the ground was wet and therefore possibly a tad slippery until i was already committed to the turn, about half way through it. honestly? one second my brain is screaming "OMG-SUNOFA-BITCH i'm not gonna make it!!!", the next second i am trying to shake off a concussion and breathe my way through the blinding pain that had become my left thigh.

my kids were trying so hard to not laugh (do i really need to add that they weren't having a lot of luck at it?) and help me to my feet at the same time, all the while i'm laughing/crying and just trying to get off the ground so that not EVERY neighbor i have sees me crippled on the ground and just assumes shawna went on another bender...ugh. they helped me hobble back into the house and i began myslow and painful recouperation.

three nights i couldn't sleep anywhere but on my right side, five days i gimped around the house, wincing when i had to get in or out of my car. the bruise was phenomenal and were my legs not so hideously gross BEFORE they were black, blue, green and purple, i may have allowed a picture to be taken, but so sorry charlie, not happ-nin'. i'm telling you this thing was the size of a really large man's foot. the center of the area didn't discolor, it only remained numb. the outer ring of the area turned an amazing array of colors over the first week and slowy faded to a lovely brownish color. three weeks later the entire is still sore to the touch, and the center of it pretty much feels like touching your own hand when it's fallen asleep. omg and it ITCHES, but when i scratch it, i can't feel anything so it doesn't cure the itch. WTF? and if i happen to turn or pull against the area when i'm laying on that side this amazing, unbelieveable heat begins and feels like my leg is aflame...what the hell could i have done to it???