i am the sole master of my domain...

i was checking in on someone yesterday, someone who is a somewhat visible person in my life, but hadn't really surfaced much in the last couple of weeks.  my intent was not to yell "POPCORN!" in a crowded room thus making this person think that i was whining about being neglected, although i suspected my inquiry might do just that...this person is, let's call it, "stretched pretty thin" in their life and probably feels kinda like a hamster on a wheel.  i could be wrong, but i'm pretty sure i'm not.

anyway, the point to my rambling is that i wanted to show this person that i was missing them, cared and therefore, sought to find out if there was anything wrong or anything i could help with.  my dilemma was in making sure they didn't misunderstand my intentions and feel pressured to contact me for a quick stroke or two.  really i just wanted to let them know i was thinking of them.  i made a pretty simple statement to them, but as i reread it i realized that it pretty much summed up something that is relatively new to me.  i am learning to group, accept and deal with things as they relate to my control over them.

what i said to this person was, "just making sure everything (read: in your life) that i can control was ok and everything i can't wasn't swallowing you alive. i'm here if you need me."  i know, nothing earth-shattering really.  a pretty straightforward approach and really no big deal. but it made me stop and think about this particular person's life and my concerns for them regarding it.  this person gives just about everything of themselves to other people in their life.  i would say it's a fairly content person, but maybe not an incredibly happy person.  don't get me wrong, content is nice...but i think happy takes content an imperative step further when dealing with your own...destiny, for lack of a better word.

stick with me while i compare the two:  content feels like coming home from work and seeing your family is safe and sound; happy feels like coming home to a safe and sound family that is excited to see you and asks you how your day was, showing genuine care - not trying to just get you out of the way so they can talk about themselves.

content feels like having someone ask your opinion of something and being allowed to give it - not really expecting that it will be considered, but hoping and glad to be asked; happy feels like being asked your opinion and giving it, knowing that your opinion truly matters and will actually carry some weight in the decision-making process.

content feels like thinking you matter in a way that is important to a bigger picture; happy feels like knowing it and seeing the positive changes you have made in the world by just being you.

try and look at contentment as being hungry and having access to a well balanced, well cooked meal - and happiness as being hungry and having access to a well balanced, well cooked meal that you know was prepared with your likes and dislikes in mind.

basically, i think we are content in believing our contributions in life are necessary to someone-something-somewhere; but aren't we truly happy when we know it, when we feel it, when we live it?

we've all heard that other people can't make you happy - only you can make you happy and i totally agree. i realize that all the things i've mentioned that contrast being content with being happy make it seem that you need to depend upon other people for your happiness...but go back a step further, who do you choose to spend your life surrounded by?   because our lives are so constantly intertwined with other people, it's nearly impossible to not look to others, in some capacity, for happiness.  do you choose people that help you to feel content within yourself?  do you choose to surround yourself with people who bring out your capacity for happiness just by being near them, thinking of them or knowing that they are in your life?  i really believe that we shouldn't have to toil for happiness itself, i think if we live our lives the best we can, being the best kind of person we can and showing others our appreciation for them, happiness should just happen.

if you have someone in your life that creates happiness for you, enables you to be happy in some way that you wouldn't be without them, someone without whom your life would be a darker place - tell them, show them, make sure they feel it from you.  i think we forget that love should be alive; a growing, living, continuing thing, not something you feel, mention and then put into your back pocket until next time.

finally, back to one of my original thoughts - i do realize i'm a bit all over the map here, but it's how my brain seems to function - be sure to tend to your own knitting before instructing someone else on how to do it.  make sure that everything that you control is ok.  then see to the people you love, make sure they aren't being swallowed up by all of those other things you cannot control.  we all have things beyond us...all we can do is accept that fact, learn to identify what they are, do our best to deal with them in ourselves and then cushion and support those we care about that might be in the process of being swallowed up by them.

directed toward this one particular person i mentioned earlier, but meant to everyone that considers your friendship with me something other than ordinary...know that you are a special person, regardless of how those around you sometimes act - towards you or towards whoever else happens to be in their line of fire.  know that i appreciate you and understand so much about you because we are alike in so many ways.  know that i am here to cushion you and support you when dealing with all the bullshit life tends to throw. (whoa. was that my first curse word?)  know that i am your friend and you can count on me.  know that i love who you are.