she's just always been there.

my grams had a stroke a few weeks ago and is in a rehab place for the "elderly"...not a good story. apparently she's had a few of them and just didn't know it. hasn't really been impaired in any way except maybe mentally a bit, but she's my grams - who would really know? seems they are giving her some anti-psychotic drugs that she doesn't need that are, in fact making her psychotic and mean. i'm sorry - this really shouldn't be funny, but the thought of my little hunched over gram hanging onto a bathroom safety bar for dear life, granny panties down around her ankles, kicking at her attendants' shins to keep them from bothering her while she trying to have her "BM" (her very pc and sensitive way of saying shit) cracks me up. she's always been a feisty old bird, but i guess she's become a real gem these days.

i don't have the whole story (of course...no one in my family can GATHER a whole story, let alone actually relay it to someone else.) but my understanding is that "they" (the professionals) believe that she is showing early signs of alzheimer's and dementia (again, this is my gram...she's truly been weird, feisty and quirky for as long as i can remember) and are treating her as such. the drugs they are giving her are making her a bit hard to control so they then sedate her with more crap. what the hell, seriously? i'm getting the idea that this isn't all that uncommon.

the problem (well aside from all the bruised shins and my poor gram's sanity) is that she got a wild hair and decided to up and move to humboldt county a couple of years ago and is three hours from the closest of her family. 3 hours - what a ding-dong. my mom can be a tad unstable at best, has put in so much time taking care of my grams and cannot afford to pay attention (which is rather important when driving the roads to humboldt county); my aunt works herself to the bone just to afford living in an un-electrified cabin on a hillside somewhere in the depths of the oregon coast about 5 hours from my gram; my uncle lives in the sacramento area (about 6 hours away from her) and has the stability, but not the time, plus i wonder if he isn't in denial about my grams health and just can't seem to deal. her grandkids are scattered around the state and have their own dysfunctional lives to attend to. this leaves my little gram all alone and probably scared spitless that she will die alone among all these mean people that JUST WON'T LET HER SLEEP.

ugh. have i gotten to the dysfunctional parts yet?

i can't imagine my life without her...she has always lived close, she has always been a major part of my upbringing, she has always been the one that "got" me...even when i was pretty "ungettable". we were raised in a home 50 yards from her and my gramps - she's just always been there. she's funny, she's quirky, she's insatiably curious about sex; she's sharp as a tack and as smart as a whip; she's warm and sweet and bakes yummy things (well except that period just after they found out my gramps was diabetic and then she resdesigned EVERY tasty thing she's ever made into a nasty "diatetic" abomination - it passed along with my gramps, God rest his soul); she prolongs the ending of a visit by beginning a batch of strawberry jam "just for you" JUST as you are loading the car to leave; she has the balls to giggle and excuse herself when she cropdusts you (at nose level, of course because she doesn't want you to have to get up from the ever-so-comfie futon she's just sure is the best thing since sliced bread - even though EVERYONE jumps to their feet when she starts to walk anywhere because they know what is coming) and your silly kids that can't stifle a snort (but almost die trying as they really don't want to inhale "that"), as she shuffles to the kitchen insisting that you have some "fresh homemade" five-week old fig newtons that she traded some fudge for at the old-folks' home bake-sale "just yesterday" - uhhhh, yea...i don't care how much milk you drink, those never go down well - especially after that gas thing.

my point is that she is my grams, i love her dearly and it pains me to know that she is surrounded by people who don't "get" her.